#63
9.
I’ve always been one of these people to whom things happen to, but I don’t really understand what it is that happened for awhile.
For example, it could be a small phrase or comment someone made about me when I was on holiday. It could be seeing a truly beautiful woman sitting alone at a café looking tragic and sad or even stumbling over a crack in a sidewalk and falling into a stranger. Small instances that are everyday occurrences, but when those moments happen a quick, short, thought slipped into my mind, a thought I am never able to quite catch or comprehend. Sometimes not even realize and then a month, six months, 15 months or a few years later, some kind of corresponding incident or occurrence triggers one of those fleeting thoughts to come back. I can see it, visualize it, know it. And it’s as if some kind of circle has been completed, like if the first thing never happened, would the second thing not? Does one depend on the other? Or would the second thing just be another occurrence for which I would not notice or have any need to remember?
It is these moments in life that drive me crazy. Because I want to understand the connection, the reason why it stands out as significant to me. Why these circular events always lead me to the next, a never-ending cycle of experience which seem normal, but end up affecting me so purposefully that sometimes I even cry. Crying for a reason which is, no reason, but actually a reason of unobtainable knowing.